I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
