Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
