Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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