Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
