Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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