Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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