Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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