I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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