hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
