you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
