So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
