distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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