Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
