i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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