Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
