marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The Olympian is in my bed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
