I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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