You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
