I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
