I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
not ubering you a puppy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
