I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
