i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
