i think i have two assholes
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
