So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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