He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
