Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
