i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
