i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
