He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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