Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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