making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
