btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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