Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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