worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
