So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
