Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my poor anus
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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