I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
