Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
