My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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