I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
