Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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