just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
