For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
