plz talk dirty to me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
