Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
