i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
