all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
