Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
