You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
should my penis look like a turkey
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
