So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
