I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
