I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
