you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
