At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
