This is not my ceiling
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
