i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its liver damage thursday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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