it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
