Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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