wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
