I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
