On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
