If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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