The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
