I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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