he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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