I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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