I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I cannot find my penis.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
