drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
