I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
