so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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