I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
