she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
