I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
