fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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