you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
