using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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