The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize