They should really pass out barf bags in church
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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