HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
