I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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