hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
