You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
