At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
